As women we know there are many reasons that our lives have taken the path that they have.  Some are chosen by us, some are ordained for us, others come by default and then there are those that are relegated to us.   They are pretty complex and don't necessarily have one driving force, operator or avenue that gets us to our destination. 

This is not to say that we are incapable or are victimized by circumstances, no we are stronger and better than that, but this is to acknowledge that all of our decisions don’t/didn't begin and end with us.  And with that being said, there may be combinations of all of the above that fall just like lottery numbers, per chance but not by mistake.

One of those decisions and/or outcomes that I would like to address is that of biologically mothering a child.  And I certainly hope that the words and thoughts shared will not hurt or offend the sensibilities of any of my sisters/friends/readers/audience/comrades as I am aware that some of my suggestions may be a bit controversial.  Be that as it may and with that being said, whatever your thoughts, feelings or reactions, won’t come as a surprise………

We as women sometimes take for granted that our bodies are going to respond to the call to naturally reproduce and replenish the earth when the act of procreation occurs.  There is ease in getting pregnant (wanted or not) and carrying our child to full-term with a happy and healthy birth at the end of our 9 month cycle.  And this may happen multiple times, producing 1 or more children. 

Back in the day, I remember hearing about the first "test tube baby".  I was incensed and recall saying out loud on more than one occasion and adamantly so that "this was a freak of nature and if God had wanted people to have babies in a test tube, He wouldn't have given us the ability to have them in the womb".  I thought the child would be ‘something other than’ and that medicine had just gone too far walking in God's stead.  I didn’t get it, I didn’t empathize and I didn't try.  However, now, as a mother and hopefully a more compassionate and evolved human being, I must admit and declare, How ignorant, sad and selfish of me! 

I think back to when we were getting our shot at cracking the "glass ceiling" that had for so long prevented women from being recognized, respected and realizing our full potential in the workforce.  So we fought for our equality in the boardroom, while casually, intentionally or inadvertently turning our nurseries into home offices.  Our careers became the babies we nurtured, pampered, and raised.  Reminds me of that commercial "I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan, and never ever let you forget you're a man cause I'm a woman…."  And we sang it with fervor and pride while our wombs echoed with emptiness.

And how about us women who didn't value Roe vs. Wade as a right and privilege, but utilized it to excuse our laziness, purposeful carelessness, and as an easy-out option?  I'm not judging, finger pointing, or opening up the hour for True Confessions, but I am saying unapologetically, that we did it - not all, but some, not every time, but it happened.  And so I will assert that as a collective, we violated this right outside of the framework of its intention.  

Some of us unflinchingly chose not to bear children.  People probably called us selfish and shook their head in disbelief or disagreement for the decision.  How could a woman not want to have children?  Some would claim that that was a primary purpose for our being born female, menstruating monthly and having hips fashioned so provocative and accommodating.  What the on-lookers didn't comprehend was that the reason may have been as simple as "I don't want to have children" or something more complex that didn't have words but/or wasn't required to give explanation. 

So we sit with the Hands of Our Time wringing or laying gingerly in our laps as we peruse through our mind's eye the history of choices and decisions we made and those which were made for us, knowingly and unknowingly.  And my, oh my, how we wish we could go back.  Perhaps we would take the time to cradle our babies as they protruded our bellies - treasures beyond the language of human definition.  Or we might express gratitude to the Divine for choosing us to be a vessel in the majesty of creation.  (not to say that our children always made us feel majestic (lol)).  But having the capacity and opportunity to bear children for scores of women is a blessing and a gift and not just a forgone conclusion or right of gender.

We may look back with gratitude that the scientists listened to the voice of Supreme Intelligence (even though credit may be attributed to some other entity), granting us the experience of birthing a child.  Some of us may feel the pangs of loss and regret that, try as we might, being unable to conceive or not having financial resources sufficient to partake of the medical wonders making motherhood a viable option.  We also stand in the midst and ranks of mothers who strongly measure the love and loss of a child as their babies slipped out of their wombs before they could sustain life on their own.    And alas we unite in solidarity and respect with us women who waited to find/have the right partner and circumstances to accompany us on our journey of parenting, too long.

The Hands of Time in the life of women, some clasped, some smooth, some snarled, some sweating the tears their eyes won’t release, some soft and gentle expressing comfort, understanding, compassion and sweetness.  Some balled tightly into a fist ready to strike out in fierce competition and anger against disappointment and regret.  Some held in reverence, some warding off our shame, some open in supplication, and some brushing the dust off while others are bandaging our wounds. 

And this is just one such story…….