#Surviving the Culture of R. Kelly.  On our watch and right under our noses, we were infiltrated by a culture that fostered an environment where the innocence of each and every child, girl, teen, young women who endured the indignities placed on them was dismissed, overlooked, and marginalized by each and every person who had knowledge of and observed the degradation.   How does one overcome the unspoken and subliminal message of unworthiness and humiliation?  How does one learn trust and love in the face of sanctioned exploitation?  How does one learn personal value when dishonor is endorsed?  How does one learn to rely on their instincts when deception is given permission as the standard for acceptable behavior?  How do you figure it all out when a lie is the truth and the truth is not in the conversation? 

Remember we are talking about children and teens in the clutches of a seasoned and master manipulator.  And lest we forget, we are talking about a culture that has consistently, persistently and systematically devalued and disregarded women/girls of color.  Even our own people!  And most especially when it comes to the ideals of virtue, chastity, safety and well-being.  So do we really think that this was a predatory happenstance that the victims of these vile crimes were of color?  Cocoa, mocha, coffee and honey are not stage names but the hues of our children.  Those who were plucked, not abducted from purported safe environments right out in the open while the bystanders looked on with furrowed brows and did and said nothing. Guilty and ugly!  Consequently, this systemic culture of debasement is what women and girls of color have and continue to survive. 

Then we are also plagued with a culture of shameful forgetfulness.   We remembered what we knew yet we decided what we chose to acknowledge, and forgot and ignored the images about the not just disturbing, but disgusting and criminal sexual violation of a 13 year old child captured on tape, documented and viewed.  We discarded what made us uncomfortable so that we would not have to deprive ourselves of giving vent to our entertainment pleasure, enjoyment, and cravings which were/are stirred up in the music.  We protested on behalf of his innocence and vehemently defended his honor.  We rejoiced when the verdict came out that he was acquitted.  (Remember the juror who said he voted against the victims because he didn’t like how they looked and so he didn’t believe them?)  We screamed, don't bring down our Black man, all while he spit or rather pissed on our Blackness, our femaleness / womanhood and on the majesty found in us and in our children.  And we continued to buy his music; we danced in the clubs, blared it on our audio devices, raised our hands in exaltation in our religious sanctuaries, smiled through tears of pride to his renditions at our graduations, swirled dreamily around the floors of our wedding venues, and allowed ourselves to revel in the sexual and sensuous fantasies that his music so easily and not so subtlety provoked especially when he was in concert.  We did this.  We women and girls did this.  I’m sure we didn’t mean to but nevertheless,  we did and these violations and crimes against us are some real unintended consequences for our shameful forgetting and living in a culture of idol worship.  So what do we say and what do we owe to those and us who are #Surviving the Culture of an R. Kelly?  It cannot and must not be degradation and disgrace be damned and let’s just move on.  

We owe them/us the true definition of who they/we are – beautiful - in our various shades of brown – sisters, women, girls, females who are worthy of respect, love, and honor.

We owe them/us the right to never be sexual pawns or targets

We owe them/us an apology

We owe them/us a life free of degradation

We owe them/us a culture and community of safety

We owe them/us a life free of demons and violation and rape

We owe them/us a culture where our virtue is valued, our chastity is celebrated and our  well-being is a priority.

We owe them/us release and relief from the pain, hurt, guilt, shame and sorrow we have heaped upon one another and ourselves

We owe them/us a culture of compassion, kindness, and human dignity

We owe them/us light and wonder and joy and brilliant majesty

We owe them/us healed hearts

We owe them/us a culture of sincere fellow and sister-ship

We owe them/us an embrace without an agenda

We owe them/us a culture of Surviving, Thriving, and never ever going back again