Two weeks ago when I learned that I was going to be working from home due to COVID-19, I pledged to myself and declared out loud that I was going to use this time as an opportunity. An opportunity to do some writing, catch up on tasks that needed to be completed around my home, put some serious and dedicated attention toward moving Hormones and High Heels forward, and bringing my ideas from head and heart to actuality. And I said and thought all of these things with complete calm and confidence, sure that my intentions and plans were plausible.

Two weeks later, I am reflecting on my laughter and my sense of how incredulous it was when I went down the aisle in the grocery store and saw that the toilet paper supply was decimated, bottled water began to disappear, there was no pasta on the shelves, the frozen vegetable freezer was stripped bare, as the world around me was in a panic.

Two weeks later and I had nothing profound, cute or clever to share on social media and with my family of Hormones and High Heels readers. When I was able to post something about “gratitude” on Facebook at the end of week one, I thought that I was on my way to making a valuable and comforting contribution to anyone who might come to my site or page during this time of crisis. After all, writing is my gift and I fashion myself as being a blessed and talented wordsmith and crafter of engaging and thought-provoking literature. Yet my brain and my spirit were not getting it done.

Two weeks later I am understanding that this demon virus that has come into and disrupted the world order has come into and disrupted more than my schedule and the lofty plans I laid out for myself. I have been unable to concentrate. I have been unable to center myself. I have been unable to settle down. I have been unable to have uninterrupted sleep. And yesterday I finally said it, “I am off”. I didn’t know I was anxious, but I am. I didn’t know I was nervous with the uncertainty and the onslaught of this untamed beast that has been unleashed into the lives of all of humanity, but I am.

Two weeks later I share these thoughts and feelings because I think that my experience is not unique to me. We may think, just as I did, that we are supposed to be okay in the midst of a crisis that is clearly not okay. We may think that we are supposed to have a familiar and rational cerebral response to this thing when in fact we are dealing with something that is so beyond our comprehension. We may think that this is not the time to feel lost and confused and weary and sad and fearful when it absolutely is a natural human response to such a horrific monster.

Two weeks later I will tell you that my spirit is fighting back against all these overwhelming and consuming feelings. Sometimes I am winning, other times I am struggling, and other times I have to give myself a reprieve from the fight. My mind is fighting back against hopeless and defeating thoughts. My heart and soul are fighting back against this ravaging thief because I know and trust God and Holy Spirit to see me through. I am fighting back with all that is within me because I am a fighter and a spiritual warrior.

Two weeks later I am making a different pledge and pronouncement and that is that I will be kind to myself as I and we go through this time. Be patient with my moments of dysregulation. Be realistic with my personal expectations. Be careful with the thoughts that I allow to linger and play in my mind. Be sensitive to what my heart, mind, spirit and body are calling for for comfort. Be mindful about what I am feeding myself as I binge watch. Be considerate of my ability to manage challenges. Be vigilant regarding my physical well-being as normal activities are put on pause. Be purposeful in finding a reason for laughter. Be Loving. Be Nurturing.

Two weeks later I look forward to never hearing the words “social distancing” ever again.

As I encourage myself, I encourage you to do likewise and give yourself permission to enact whatever other personal benefit you may need for yourself. Be well and be blessed.