During the month of February when red hearts are decorating windows, candies, flower arrangements, and jewelry store announcements, or as we find ourselves dancing through the aroma of softly lit candles at a nice cozy restaurant or plush and sensuous lodging, we recognize that we are being called towards love, loving, and romance. Then as we journey through the year landing on anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas, and other unnamed celebrations, stirred up within us is excitement and expectations of displays of affection for and from our loved ones. Shopping, spending, and planning frenzies turn on, full blast. Beautiful experiences. Beautiful times. Such fun things to look forward to and enjoy.

However, as we take this sentimental journey bringing us closer to visions of love, loving, and romance, I want to direct our attention to another aspect that has no commercial worth but is intrinsically much more valuable. And though, I am fully in favor of and am two feet in up and to my neck regarding the celebration of love, loving and romance, in this moment, I am purposefully welcoming and encouraging us to take this time to snatch some of this love out of the air and put it into some real concrete action. Yup, time to not just talk about, but to do so some of that loving up on our own woman self, real love. Some solo sweetness. And for those of us who think that this is about to be about another kind of pleasuring, I will say, there is a time and place for all things, but right now, this is not what I am alluding to. I am asking us to give some dedicated attention to a basic, boots on the ground type of love, loving, and romance that we need to prioritize in our lives. The type that can be only given to ourselves, by ourselves.

And though I would like to appeal to all women, at this moment I am compelled to specifically address my sisters, the women and girls of the Black and Brown race. Because it is us who continue to be negatively impacted and influenced by poor health outcomes. It seems that with every medical study, every illness, (cancer, diabetes, asthma, high blood pressure, and birth relate deaths, to name a few) and most recently COVID-19, when we are mentioned, we are the most susceptible, most at risk, have the worst outcomes, and die at a much higher rate. (males included)

Please consider this: if and as we are not inherently inferior, why are our results so glaringly disproportionate when it comes to negative outcomes? Why do we die from cancer more than our white counterparts? Why is diabetes so much more prevalent within our race? Because I have heard that these factors are true even when we no longer reside in neighborhoods and communities predominantly populated by people of color. Meaning this is not just an environmental malady. Asthma, hypertension, obesity, stroke, heart attack – us. Now don’t misunderstand, I know that some of the answer to this chronic predicament lies in the entrenched racism that exists within our society, so I don’t dismiss it. However, we cannot passively and unconditionally give this plight power over our life and/or death. If we are to survive, we cannot allow what has plagued us for generations to have continued dominion over our welfare and well-being.

So, I petition you, my sisters, the givers and keepers of the life’s blood of our families and communities, to stand up, defy and tear down these long-held, yet conditional realities about our health and viability. And how do we do that? I don’t pretend to have hard and fast answers knowing that those much wiser and smarter than I have wrestled with this enormous and problematic dilemma.

However, I will begin with this question and call to action for love, loving, and romance of one’s self. And my hope is that we not rest until we find the answer and begin to facilitate the solution.

What are the things we can account for to make our lives healthier?

• If and as Black Lives Matter, we must embrace the truth of our mattering holistically and not just when we are being brutalized and/or marginalized at the hands of another or a system of oppression.

• We must engage in equitable relationships with our medical providers – primary care, dentist, and any other specialist that are deemed necessary to enhance the quality of life, health, and welfare for ourselves and our families.

• Challenge ourselves to become more astute when it comes to matters of our hearts, physiologically, emotionally, and intellectually. Because if what you love isn’t loving you back, well, wisely, and into better health, then it is time to end the romance. And that means people, our habits, behavioral choices, lifestyles, and food.

• Remember that just because someone puts shit on a plate doesn’t make it food and just because it’s on your plate doesn’t mean you have to eat it. Let us be mindful of the things we absorb through our oral palate as well as what we ingest into our minds, hearts, and spirits.

• Let us not call a crumb a meal or treat and eat it like it is a feast when it is only a crumb. Honest love, loving, and romance will reduce our stress, anxiety, heartache, and decrease all things that negatively impact our good sense and mental well-being.

• Nurture our spiritual health by allowing our gifts and magnificence to soar. Sit down and pray, then put our faith into works.

• And while we are at it, let us begin to challenge our political representation to assure we have more than fast food eateries and over-priced corner stores as the nutritional outlets within our communities. I am all for small business, but I am also all for growth in enterprise for us by us.

As we attend to our health, we are better positioned to change our circumstances. Managing our diets, and exercising our physical, intellectual, and spiritual selves are some of what we can do. Let us arise, challenge, and debunk the notion that we as a race of people are perpetually less healthy and are destined to have poor health outcomes. In this, we create our own narrative of personal Love, Loving, and Romance.