In my last post, I enumerated and titled it “The Things I Want To Remember”. I received wonderful feedback and was graced with beautiful and inspiring memories shared by our community family of Hormones and High Heels readers, some publicly, some privately. And I truly appreciate all who read, received, and responded. However, as I reflected on the article, some “thing” kept gnawing at the back of my consciousness because there was more to be said and explored. So here is my further delving into the subject matter and I am calling this, “The Things I Don’t Want To Forget”.

The previous article began, “As we mature, there is this often lightly used joke about forgetting. We laughingly say things such as, "What was I getting ready to say?", or "I just had it. Now where did I put it?", and we begin to call people and things by the name of "whatchamacallit". We giggle and keep on moving. Many times and under most circumstances it is simply a lapse in memory because we are so overloaded with the world, a million ideas and thoughts running through our minds and the multiple tasks and responsibilities our lives demand.”

In the days of my childhood, I recall the adults using the word “senile” to define what was happening to older folks who were experiencing behavioral changes. It was something either that was livable, sometimes laughable or when necessary, required nursing home level of care. As a younger person, I certainly didn’t pay it much mind. Then as life and times progressed, I began to hear the word “dementia” and understood that to mean that the “old person” was going through something more significant and serious than the natural progression of aging. Its’ message and the gravity of the facial expressions when quietly spoken of had the implication of us losing our elders by the diminishing capacity of their minds. Dementia = demented. This was followed by hearing the word “Alzheimer’s.” The Miriam Webster dictionary defines dementia as “a usually progressive condition (such as Alzheimer’s disease” marked by the development of multiple cognitive deficits (such as memory impairment, aphasia, and the inability to plan and initiate complex behavior); madness and insanity”. So while senility was an age related lapse, forgetfulness or change in behavior, it wasn’t “crazy” and it didn’t require institutionalization, everyone didn’t get it and it was relatively and in most instances, harmless. But this thing called dementia and Alzheimer’s seemed to be mysterious beast of a totally different ilk.

And then the time came unexpectedly and gradually that I began to see it up close and personal, and as previously stated, “And I want to turn away from the truth of this. And "God please don't let it be contagious or hereditary" is my silent and shame-filled but honest prayer.” Again, I do know that everyone doesn’t get it, it is not a prerequisite of growing older, and it isn’t contagious. But it is frightening. And though I am not fearful or fear-filled, I am mindful…..I love my mind, I love my ability to intellectually function and participate in the world, I love being a part of the cognitive and cognizant process of life and living. I know that I want to keep my memories and memory present forever. And ultimately I am not ashamed of this prayer and my desire of not forgetting.

As such, some of the things I don’t want to forget include:

 That God has blessed and graced me abundantly

 The names and faces of my children, family, and friends

 How to get home

 The lyrics to my favorite songs and how to dance/prance to their rhythm and beat

 Why and how to appreciate the beauty of the ocean and the wonder of the changing seasons as each brings their own special purpose and magnificence

 How to bathe, dress and tend to myself properly

 How to use my words and reasoning to identify and name things accurately

 My precious memories that made/make me grateful and satisfied

 The sound of my own laughter and the sometimes corny or outrageous and inappropriate humor that inspires it

 How to love and be loved unconditionally but within reason

 The majesty of color and the experience of creating new landscapes

 How to prepare and enjoy my favorite foods

 To enjoy the company and companionship of loved ones and friends

 How to challenge and exercise my intellectual aptitude and capacity

 How good I look in High Heels

 Why and that my heart bursts in the presence of my grandbabies

 How to write and give creative expression and testimony to what God has put inside of me

 The experience and the nature of being human – what makes me smile and cry

 Happiness

 My purpose for getting up each morning

 ............, etc.

I don’t know the origins or purpose of dementia and Alzheimer’s or why they happen and exist. I hate that they do. And despite the discomfort of pricking and unearthing and wanting to shy away from this subject, I felt it deserves(d) recognition. However I am sure that I still just barely skimmed the surface and have not adequately addressed the reality, challenges, sacrifices and heartache that families must certainly undergo when they are living with and caring for relatives who didn’t want to forget, but did anyway. My hope, my prayer is that a cure be found, that grace be meted out, that compassion be given, and that comfort be shared.

And while there are numerous “Things I Want to Remember”, I also hold dear and will cherish more than before “The Things I Don’t Want to Forget”.

Please feel free to share your experience(s) or answer to the question - What do you hope to never forget and why?

As always, Thank You for stopping by.