I Am Changing

Good Morning.  Hope that all is well. 

As this was the impetus for ‘Hormones and High Heels’, 
it seems only fitting that we should begin our time together by talking about the experience of living with and going through
 “The Change”.

Through the mind’s eye of my younger woman self, I recall hearing snatches of conversations between some of the more seasoned women as discreetly they would talk about this one and that one and this time of life.  And though I didn’t quite understand, I remember thinking that it was kind of like listening to somebody looking for the bright side of the down side. And as they spoke in veiled whispers, I also thought this meant that this wasn't something to really talk about out loud, admit to, and certainly not in public.  Just with your good friends and when you thought no one else was listening in.

In hindsight, and as I have measured the women of my experience, 
It seems that some may come into this phase of life with a spirit of reluctance, resignation, and resolution. 
Willing to do it, only because.  And so they just fall in line.  And that “line” shows up in many ways. Waiting, watching, remorseful acceptance or passive resistance….
And then there are those womenfolk that have come at it kicking and screaming, flailing and cussing.  
And I believe that if “The Change” was an actual doorway, you would have to pry their fingers off of the frame, fingernails and all, 
(and you know we hate a broken nail).  
Aggressive resistance…….
Then there’s a mixture of the population that come into this era with their mouths gaped wide open in a knowing, horrific, and stunned silence.

But me, I came into it ignorant as hell.  

Again, it’s not like I had never seen what it looked like or what I perceived it to be for “other and older women”.   
And quite honestly, I had no idea that this thing is so much more than can be visually captured or imaginatively concocted.
I didn’t care, consider or give it a second thought.

Consequently, I was totally blindsided.

So when I had that first ONE, I started looking around for some indication of where this sudden surge of heat was coming from because even though it manifested itself internally, there was no reason or source to connect it to. 
 I thought I was losing my mind.  
(Now, THAT should have been my first tip-off that something was totally askew and that my world was shifting because what did being hot have to do with my sanity?!!!)
All I knew at that moment was that this unnamed, unspoken, and unrecognized body invasion didn't make any sense whatsoever
and
never did the term H-O-T-F-L-A-S-H come across my brain.
Why would it, why should it.  So I just said, “Damn, what was that”, readjusted myself, and kept it moving because remember, I’m young, fine, and on the incline.  
This was not on my radar and certainly not a part of my physiological vocabulary.
But clearly a new word and new way of being had just been introduced to me!!!

Now I tend to think that my experience is more commonplace than that of some of my more evolved, what do I call us? – humph, I’ll have to think about that one…..
Anyway,

We as women don’t necessarily talk about this phase of life. 
Back in the day,  
our mothers or someone like that would rather pride-fully and most times embarrassingly so, 
sit us down and we have “the talk” about menstruating and boys and babies.  
"You's becomin a woman now". (Thank you Miss Celie)
We giggled, blushed, looked embarrassed, and couldn’t wait to tell our friends. 
So sweet.  So uninformed.  So incomplete. 
But at least an acknowledgement.

But generally speaking, we don’t talk about what happens on this side of growing up.
Those of us doing it honestly don’t know what is happening to us.  
Those of us yet to experience it don’t want to know about it, don’t believe its coming, want to avoid it, or are totally oblivious to what “it” is as if we are immune to its’ impending onslaught.

So much for the theory that women are such great communicators because in my estimation this topic has pretty much been off the table of discussion and is probably one of the most critical subject matters we could wrap our tongues around.

But I want to discuss, debate, and detail this “It” because I feel like I am a living and evolving testimony of the good, bad, funny, sad, uplifting, discouraging, phony, real, challenging and rewarding reality of being on the other side of life.
Maybe it really isn’t The Other Side, and there is a better and more accurate way to define this, – maybe it’s just about the reality that I Am Changing.
To say "I have changed" is kind of like this is the end.
But to say "I Am Changing" is to say "this is my process, my forever transition".
And as I feel free to talk about it, 
with a bit of hesitation and maybe even some embarrassment, 
I am nevertheless ready to throw my head back with laughter, shake it with amazement, rest it through the challenges, fan it cuz it just got hot, hold it up with triumph, and bop to it through the rhythm and beat of my change.

And to you my Comrade – Colleague – Friend – Sister, 
We got this, so let’s ride ………..